Why Does It Feel Like I Went Through the Divorce Too?

What It’s Like to Be the Child in a Divorce

I hear this all the time from teens I work with:

“It was their divorce, not mine… so why do I feel like I’m the one falling apart?”

And I get it. Because even though no one hands you a title or files any papers under your name, divorce doesn’t just happen between your parents. It shifts the ground under everyone connected to it, especially the kids.

You might be told “it’s not your fault,” “we still love you,” or “you’re so mature about it.” But those words don’t always match the feelings you’re experiencing. And many teens experience the feeling of living in two worlds at once; all while trying to get a handle on their own emotional development, relationships, mental health, and more. Or the pressure to keep everyone happy.
Or the confusion when you love both parents but don’t know how to be fully yourself with either one anymore.
Or the guilt that shows up when you enjoy being with one and wonder if that means you’re somehow betraying the other.

Here’s the problem though:

“No one teaches you how to feel whole when your world feels split.”

But there is space for your story. The impact is real, and your voice deserves to be heard. You didn’t choose the divorce. But you’re allowed to talk about how it shaped you.